My second article The Truth Of Disease within the category ‘Being Human – The Way We Are’ concludes leaving the reader with a question:
‘Do you feel that it is worth making changes when you do have the energy to? Or is it only when you are suffering that this thought occurs to you – when you are too weak to put anything against your habits at all?’ This third article within the category of ‘Being Human – The Way We Are’ – What Goes Around Most Definitely Comes Around, moves the focus of attention from our interaction with ourselves, to our interaction with others and then to the possibility of taking greater responsibility for the impact of our own behaviours, on others.
The outside world can be challenging and it can feel as if we are living in the middle of a jungle, having to keep our wits about us and our defences up. Within this tense state of being, errors are often easily made and repeatedly made – and then brushed aside, before the process repeats itself again. In this way there is a kind of organised chaos which most people manage to balance in some way or another at least to be able to rise each day and sleep at the end of it – and there are even some people, who can use this state of tension to their advantage and manage very well indeed.
There are moments when things are not running smoothly, that may lead to questions about the way that things are working, or not working and in some cases, there may be enough of these moments that we really notice them and even wish that we could change them. It is natural for us to look outwards for answers; but often they just aren’t there and at this point, we may turn inwards to ask ourselves.
One of the most stereotypical inner-world situations, involves blame and yet we observe not just in others but also in ourselves, a variety of different weaknesses. What Goes Around, Most Definitely Comes Around explores how these weaknesses effect each other and suggests an angle to view them from, towards greater responsibility and harmony.
What Goes Around, Most Definitely Comes Around.
We are ALL the fat boy, the spotty kid, the smelly girl, the old hag, the big nosed businessman, the short-arsed freak, the impatient bastard, the bitch who should have known better, the greedy c…, the narrow minded idiot, the pretentious cow, the selfish eejit, the callous individual, the lazy good-for-nothing, the jealous fool, the conniving two faced bitch and… the balding spaz-brain etc.
Underneath these judgements of us, originating from other people and/or ourselves, we are the same; flesh, blood, feeling and thought, with a twinkle of light which can become dimmer and dimmer and limit our view of ourselves and therefore everything else, or it can become so bright, that it illuminates everything in it’s vicinity and further. However, due to the nature of man, a work in progress, we need to struggle to reach latent parts of us for them to be able to develop. This struggle comprises many ideas, including the disparity between what is permanent and what is transient, what is fact and what is possible and what is essential and what is superfluous – so it’s not at all surprising that we often become lost. In our lostness, we are afraid one moment and hopeful the next. We ebb and flow according to certain momentums and largely don’t stop to have a look and see what is really going on. One great man said to me about this state of affairs, “We are like rudderless ships, buffered around by any wind coming our way.” This is an accurate metaphor for the vulnerable and impressionable state we can find ourselves in when we begin to open our eyes.
However, as already stated within the Introduction, there are sometimes breaks in these momentums, opportunities to see something that we haven’t to date. Sometimes these moments arrive as we travel the same path repeatedly and start to recognise certain parts along the way. We can have a feeling of de-ja-vu, a feeling that we have done it before. In these pauses, upon deep reflection and deliberation, it may occur to us that the behaviours that we have been criticising in others, are the very same that we have been displaying ourselves.
Let’s compare the action and reaction of a pebble being thrown into a pond. We throw it, watch the ripples move away and then if we don’t turn our backs…we will see the ripples return again. The reaction that the stone invites as it hits the water, moves away from the stone and then comes back to the centre again. In the same way, the reaction I create comes back to me – and the reaction that YOU create comes back… TO YOU and this brings me to the heart of this article because you see in my own experience, what goes around, DEFINITELY comes around. I have experienced it so often that it has become a regular member at my dining table and a welcome idea in my life because once understood, there is at once a greater sense of wishing to take responsibility for all that you give out to the world. There will be more about this later on but for now I want to share a personal experience of what I call instant karma, where it becomes really easy to see the stone I threw, the ripples I caused and the effect of the ripples as they returned to me.
Over the years, I have observed, researched and collated information in connection with the various diseases I have had the good fortune to encounter and experience and several questions have come to mind: 1. How did this arise? 2. How can I use it? and 3. What am I ignoring that this is trying to teach me? One of these diseases many years ago that I was afflicted by for a while was Trichotillomania (habitual hair-pulling) and when I asked these three questions, I realised that it had begun over a period that I had been stricken deeply by grief following a relationship break-up – and then I asked myself, “What did I give out for me to get this back? What pebble? What idea? Why do I need this lesson?” And then I remembered….
I am very protective over my family – a true and loyal pack animal and defensive to the core. Of course we all have relationship issues at some point in time and I have found it challenging, like others do, to accept some of the behaviours presented to people that I care about and feel protective towards. Many years ago I recognised that through my judgments and inability to remain detached, that there were times that I became negative and derogatory about and/or towards whoever was deemed to be the perpetrator of the wrong-doings at the time. One such example was a balding man who I had labelled ‘the balding spaz brain.’ Please note: It isn’t when people feel relaxed and generous that they will behave in the most unthinking and unkind manner – it is when they want to hurt someone in a bid to alleviate their own pain. In this example, I felt deeply hurt by this man and found myself repeatedly calling him names, not to his face but to others and into the Ether.
So when years later, full of fear in the face of my own diminishing hair, I found myself trying to find the root (excuse the pun) cause of the Trichotillomania I was experiencing, I remembered the passion with which I had repeatedly condemned this man, a man who had a traumatic time losing his hair at a young age and yet I chose to use that to hurt him anyway. I noted how awkward and ashamed I felt. The ripples that resulted from my throwing a stone into the pond calling a fellow man names, had returned to me. Now I felt embarrassed, now I felt fearful, now I was the underdog. I was reminded of him and of my own less than graceful behaviour. Yet I saw too that it was only through the fear of losing all of my own hair, that I truly considered how I had behaved towards him and what I had caused him. I realised that I couldn’t give his hair back – but I could stop pouring negativity about others into the collective consciousness. I could stop chucking stones…
Remember… we are all the fat boy, the spotty kid, the smelly girl, the old hag, the big nosed businessman, the short-arsed freak, the impatient bastard, the bitch who knew better, the greedy c…, the narrow minded idiot, the pretentious cow, the selfish eejit, the callous individual, the lazy good for nothing, the jealous fool, the conniving two faced bitch and … the balding spaz brain… etc.
Think about this the next time somone is negative towards you and realise that you can choose to carry on the negative ripples bringing more to others and unavoidably to yourself, or you can choose not to but instead to resist throwing a stone so to speak, until you can throw it in kindness.
Does this make sense to you? Because I know that there will be at least some opinions arising, to the tune of, “Why the hell would I in effect, turn the other cheek?” Well, if it was only to take care of your own karma wouldn’t that be motivation enough? However this article takes it further suggesting that to resist self-control int his way, is the root of our suffering and so on this basis, isn’t it worth some serious consideration?
Thank you for reading. Comments welcome.
© 2015 Sarita Perrott. All Rights Reserved.